People can spend decades trying to solve emotional issues, but without finding the root cause, these traumas will remain stuck in their body, only to repeat again and again whenever triggered by a similar emotion.
By noticing our emotions we can find, acknowledge and embrace our buried traumas. By embracing them, we are setting them free from where we had buried them in our deepest hiding places.
It takes both courage and understanding to face our deepest fears, yet the outcome is amazing.
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Memories of my first experience as an individual consciousness
I was standing on a high peak looking across to another peak where there was a column of fire bursting out of the earth and into the night sky. The light of the fire was filling the sky. The light and the sound was intense, overwhelming and shocking. This was the moment that I came into consciousness for the first time. The first time I had seen with my eyes, the first time I had listened with my ears, the first time I had felt the confines of my body. In that moment, at my root of being, came my first emotions: surprise, shock, feeling separate, out of control, intense, panic, ..and the emotions went on. These emotions and the other emotions that followed became my core emotions which were embedded inside my soul.
What I have described above is my split story. I interpret the sight of the column of fire as facing a volcano erupting high into the sky and am told that this was a particularly intense way to become conscious for the first time. It was shared with me about two months ago and it illustrates and gives context to what is at the root of all my deep seated feelings and memories in my current life. I am hugely grateful that this was shown to me. It has enabled me to notice my emotions for what they are. Each time I experience one of these emotions now, I can revisit this emotion as I did at my root. Each time, releasing a small fraction of the emotion from its core.
I’ve been working on revisiting my core emotions each time I am triggered. I feel that a good chunk of my core emotions are a lot more subdued and do not surface much at all. However, there were a whole tranche of the earlier (first) emotions that simply weren’t showing up to revisit (or so I thought), particularly: surprise, shock, separate, out of control, intense, terrified, small, unsafe.
Some of the other emotions such as: confused, confined, paralysed, invasion, I find difficult to recognize for what they are at the time but do sometimes catch them after the event on reflection.
I am trusting my intuition more and more and getting better at seeing, or rather, trusting the path laid out before me step by step.
Something quite profound happened about three weeks ago when I took ill and picked up a rather nasty cold/flu that was doing the rounds in the office. I’d had a particularly rough weekend of it (also spent 10 hours over the weekend getting to the bottom of some serious financial mis-management by a co-director which had been hiding in the shadows).
On Sunday evening I was sitting on the sofa turned sideways and hugging a pillow (which I never do) and feeling rather terrible. I seemed to drop into a bit of a trance and felt as if I was going down a rabbit hole inside me to the very bottom, as far as you can go. As I was going down the hole (or tube), I was experiencing some of the emotions that I had not been able to get to, like feeling separate, out of control and intense.
I seemed to get to the very bottom of me. I had gone as far as I could go. This was a place of darkness and nothingness… and then FEAR ITSELF WAS SHOWN TO ME (for some reason I can only use those words). I can describe it as a shadowy creature/monster which embodied all of fear. It’s the kind of thing that would make a grown man cry and I felt the fear run through me as I looked at it. My lip was quivering. It was fear itself and I was in a dark place. I sat with this for a while, staying with it and trying to work out what it all meant.
Then, at some point, I decided that since I had now seen Fear itself for what it was, it no longer had the upper hand for I now had the measure of it. At that point, I decided that fear would not get the better of me and I let it know that ‘it would not beat me’…’it would never beat me’ and it seemed to shrink in size and back into the darkness. It felt as if I was shining a bright light. One thing I know for sure is that it did not like me standing up to it. I also know that the fear it projects is based on its own fears. Now I know this, that it is fundamentally afraid of itself, it cannot win.
This continued to be intense but after around half an hour or so, I started to feel much lighter in myself and actually started to feel my cold/flu starting to lift. It was probably the worst cold/flu I had had in 15 years.
A short while afterwards, later that evening, I then felt my vibration change. Suddenly, everything became much finer in detail and clearer at the same time.
Later that evening, something else profound happened, which I do not believe to be a coincidence. I felt I needed to close my eyes and listen. There was someone trying to come in and was making a bit of a racket in the background. So, I said OK come in. It was a relative who had passed around two years prior, almost to the day. He wanted me to pass on his love to his family and also had a particular message for me. This is the first time this sort of thing had ever happened to me. The following evening, another relative knocked on the door, so to speak, and I let them in. Again, another message, this time for my wife. I was beginning to wonder if this was the new norm. However, this subsided in a couple of days along with my cold/flu which had, by then, completely cleared.
My journey to my true self continues.
Sean Daly – Facing My Deepest Fears
One thought on “Facing My Deepest Fears”
Bless you Sean for taking the trouble to share this experience with us all, I feel everybody’s story always has an element of help in it for our neighbour……which indeed would be correct for we are all part of the same oneness are we not…..